Breaking Point
by katsy1988
Summary: Cloud's spiral into depression gets out of control as he begins to loose him self in training for SOLDIER. Rated M for dark suicidal themes and language.
1. Chapter 1

This story came to me while I was at work one night. I hope you enjoy it. It's my own view of what could have happened to Cloud while he was in SOLDIER. It's non-cannon and totally AU. If you find it's not to your liking then please discontinue reading.

**Breaking Point**

_ He pulled the delicate silver tool across his thigh, exhaling at the sensation. The ruby droplets striking against his pale flesh. He watched, transfixed at the the sight of his blood beading then running in beautiful ribbons. The pain showing he existed, proof that he was still alive, if only for a moment..._

Cloud Strife stood amazed at the large iron bars before him. A flood of emotions, from excitement to fear over took him and for a sheer fleeting moment, he thought of turning and running away. Pride held him in place and gave him the strength to start moving. The shiny helmets gleaming in the sun caught his eye as he slowly made his way across the SOLDIER training field to speak with a man he imagined to be the Sergeant.

"Excuse me, sir?" Cloud asked in a breaking voice.

The gentleman turned and fixed his gaze on Cloud, giving him a once over with a sneer.

"Um..." Cloud began to fidget, and looked down at his boots. "Could... could you please direct me to the Auditorium?"

The man rolled his eyes and in a gruff voice said, "Well, who the fuck are you?"

Quickly, Cloud answered, "Cloud Strife, sir. I'm supposed to be-"

"Yea, yea, yea. I don't really give a shit."

Cloud was getting nervous and self-conscience about the fact that there were several SOLDIER's looking at him. His face began to burn.

With a dark smirk the Sergeant yelled, "Barnes! Peintary!" Two young men appeared at either side of him. They looked to be a year older than Cloud but both at least twice as tall and large. "Take our new '_Private_' to the Auditorium."

"Sir, Yes sir." They chimed in unison.

The Sergeant nodded and turned back to his company and began to bark out orders.

The smaller of the two smirked and introduced himself as Barnes, the larger as Pientary. Barnes led the way with Pientary following behind Cloud. The trio walked across the training ground. Cloud's eyes darting all over the place as he tried to take everything in. He was only acutely aware of his feet pounding the grass, the sun beating against his neck and face or even his bag banging against his leg.

Barnes entered the cool, large, cement building and quickly began going down corridors and turning corners. Cloud, eager to keep up, nearly ran after him, unwilling to get lost. After rounding the third or maybe forth corner, Cloud felt a blunt force knock into the back of head, slamming him face first into a wall.

Pientary grabbed hold of Clouds arms and drew them roughly together behind his back, before pulling him away from the wall to face a sneering Barnes.

Barnes shot out a hand and grabbed hold of Clouds blond hair, angling his face upwards.

"Listen up, you little bitch. Nobody gives a shit that your here. Look at you, you're crying like a girl. I'll bet you've got a pussy, don't you?" He let go of Clouds hair and grabbed his bag as Pientary threw Cloud on the ground, face down, wrestling his arms behind his back once more. Barnes pawed through Cloud's belongings taking what little money he possessed out of the pouch before discarding it on the floor. With slow, deliberate steps, Barnes crossed back to where Cloud lay, imprisoned on the cold tiles. Squatting before Cloud he said, in a deathly low whisper, " Tell anyone about our little _meeting_ and I will personally kill you. Do you understand me?"

When Cloud didn't immediately answer, Pientary yanked back on his arms, eliciting a yelp of pain that Barnes took as a satisfactory answer. Barnes stood and looked back to Pientary, who pulled Cloud roughly back to his feet. Barnes scooped up the discarded bag and thrust his bag back at him, casually remarking, "The Auditorium is just down this first hall, take 2 lefts then a right. It's the first large door on your left. You better hurry, though, it's nearly noon." Pientary released Clouds arms and thrust him into the wall. They headed down the hall and Barnes called back, "Good luck here at SOLDIER."

Clouds head throbbed and his shoulders ached while he sat in the hot, stuffy and packed room. He tried to focus on the current speech being given by some man, Lazard or something like that. All he could think of was the shame and humiliation he felt from his assailants. He began to space out and started to day dream about becoming large and strong and ripping the arms off of those guys and beating them to death.

He was so enraptured in his mental vendetta that he did not, at first, notice the silence that stole over the room. All bodies were tensed and still as Cloud watched the silver maned gentleman take to the stage.

_This is him._ He thought. _The very man I came here to meet. My idol. The man I will one day become... Sephiroth._

Every fiber of Clouds body tingled as Sephiroth velvety voice washed over him, reminding him why he was here. Making him forget the incident in the hallway moments ago. Making him forget everything in his life, other than Sephiroth.

Sephiroth's speech was short and to the point. Train hard, get strong, excel to be the best, and fight for Shin-Ra. He was done and off the stage in under three minuets but it felt like eternity to Cloud. He _will_ train hard, he _will_ get strong, he_ will_ be the best, and he _will_ make Sephiroth notice him.

After all the speeches, the names of all the new cadets were called and they stood in formation and given a quick run down of how to stand properly in attention. They were then taken on a quick tour of the facilities and shown their barracks. They filed into the room and each were given a schedule packet and told where their bed was. They lined up behind a white line at the end of their bed where they would from tomorrow on for the next several years until graduation.

The beds were gray metal bunk bed style, with white sheets and gray blankets on thin mattresses. Two thin white lockers separated each bed with a shelf on each, left on the top, right on the bottom, for things like eye glasses and such. Cloud stood to the left of the bunk, his bunk mate standing to the right.

They all stood at attention as Lazard strolled down the center of the room. "By now, you have each been shown the grounds as well as been given a schedule. You are expected to show up on time to each class. Tardiness will not be accepted and will be dealt with however the instructor chooses.

Every morning you will hear an alarm at 0500 hours signaling it is time to wake up. From that point you will have exactly one half hour to wake up, get dressed for the day, have your area clean and your beds made to my standards and be standing at the foot of your bed at the white line ready for inspection. When you all are cleared you will be dismissed to go to breakfast. At 0630 hours you will report to the first of your classes. Listen carefully for this will the one and only warning you get: Do not be late or you will be disciplined.

At the end of each class you will be given 5 minuets to report to the next class. At 1200 hours you will be released for lunch. At 1300 hours you will begin physical training. 1600 hours training will be over and you will have one hour of free time. Dinner is at 1700 hours. At 1830 hours you will report to your individual job duties for the evening. It is listed on your paper. Free time from when ever you help is no longer needed until lights out at 2200 hours. Do your assignments during your free time. Try to shower either at the beginning of the day or after training. Not being hygienic and you will disciplined, not having your assignments fully ready to turn in and you will be disciplined. Weekends you will be given a free pass to leave the ground based on good behavior through out the week.

See any higher ranking officer than your self and you will stand at attention, and you will refer to them as 'Sir'. They are your superior and you will listen and obey them. Do I make my self clear?"

Fifty young male voices chorused, "Sir, yes Sir!", thus transforming Cloud from simply 'Civilian' to SOLDIER.


	2. First days & Lasting impressions

Sorry for the delay. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!

**First days & Lasting impressions.**

The Shin-Ra anthem blasted from the overhead speaker, startling Cloud awake.

His clear blue eyes blinking rapidly while he tried to clear his head as fifty or so young men began to rise and get ready for the day ahead. With a sigh, Cloud threw his legs over the side of his bunk and jumped down. He pulled his bland, gray uniform out of his locker and began to dress.

Clearing off his bed, Cloud had a few seconds before Lazard swung open the doors for inspection. Cloud quickly jumped to attention.

Lazard swept into the room. His head was pounding from lack of sleep from staying up all night filling out admittance forms for all the new requites. He should be inspecting the beds, correcting the mistakes. The un-tucked beds, clothing littered on the floor, shelves cluttered with various odds and ends. But this morning he could really care less. Turning at the end of the room he paced back to the entrance, "Alright, that's fine enough for today. I see several mistakes but, because it is the first day, I will let you off easily. You are dismissed."

A chorus of 'Sir, yes sirs!' followed him as the left the room and headed to his office. He was ready for a dark, quiet room and some pain reliever for his head. He threw open his office door to discover someone was in his chair. His shiny white shoes propped up on Lazard's desk, his crisp white jacket sleeves folded behind his irritatingly blond head. Rufus... the insufferable little brat was turning 16 later this week.

"Hello Lazard." Rufus said, just a tad too loud, Lazard thought.

"Out of my chair, child." Lazard spat. He had no patience for Rufus and his games today.

"You know, Lazard, you might wanna be a little bit nicer to me. Now that I'm old enough, Dad is going to sign over all your rights to me on Saturday. Meaning, I'm going to be your boss and you'll no longer have a say in anything that goes on." Rufus nonchalantly examined his nails.

Lazard took of his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "No, you impudent little pup, you will only be over me when your father dies. Until then you mean nothing to me. Out of my chair."

With a huff, Rufus shoved back from the desk and stalked to the door. "I'm telling!"

"Fine, go ahead and tell. Tell him how you are keeping me from doing my job." He lowered into his chair. "In fact, I'll save you the trouble and call him myself." He reached out slowly and let his hand pause and hover over the telephone. "Shall I?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Rufus shot him a filthy look and slammed the door.

Cloud sat at the far end of the table, too nervous to touch his food. He knew he should, so he could have enough energy for all of his classes, but his stomach was full of butterfly's and he worried that if he were to open his mouth to take a bite they would all fly out.

Looking this way and that he took in his peers. The other boys in his year were whispering excitedly amongst themselves. Many, like Cloud, not eating.

Cloud examined the rest of room, bustling in activity until his eyes fell on a pair of cold and unfriendly eyes looking back at him. Green eyes that belonged to a thin rat-like face. A face that twisted into an unpleasant smirk, making Clouds heart forget how to beat, and take up residence, hiding, someplace near his spleen.

_Barnes._ Cloud thought. His hands grew cold as his eyes locked onto Barnes. After what seemed like a decade, Barnes looked away and whispered something to someone at his table. Clouds heart came out of hiding and he left the table.

After dumping his tray, Cloud looked around for an overhead clock. 6:10 am. He should leave now to get across grounds.

At 6:20am Cloud arrived at his class. He headed inside and saw it was already over half full. Taking an empty seat near the back he waited for class to begin.

At exactly 6:30, a tall severe looking man emerged from a door behind the desk and locked the door. Cloud could see a few boys reach the door just a moment too late. They knocked on the door, but were ignored.

The man turned and wrote his name on the black board in scratchy white letters. Mr. Parsano.

Mr. Parsano turned and eyed the young men. "You, you, and you. Come here." Mr. Parsano pointed to Cloud and two other boys. Then to a stack of books. "Hand these out."

As the three passed the heavy text books out, Mr. Parsano gave a quick introduction. "I am Mr. Parsano. I teach Shin-Ra history. I have very simple rules. Do not be late. Turn in all assignments on time fully completed. No talking out of turn. Anything under a C grade is failing. If you fail I will remove you from SOLDIER Academy. Do I make myself clear?"

"Sir, yes sir!"

The remainder of Clouds classes went along the same pattern. He was given a text book, told the same rules, then the lesson began. Before he knew it, lunch was over and he was standing on the training field. The sky was a gray overcast which seemed to threaten rain.

Standing at attention, Cloud watched the Sargent from yesterday emerge from the building and march towards them.

The man stood before them for several moments. He tightened his jaw, sizing them up. "Laps!" he barked and the company began the first of 15 laps around the training field, 5 miles in all. Then came the push ups, sit ups, lunges and suicides.

"Good, now that you are warmed up, let us begin."

Cloud thought his chest was going to explode as he sprinted up and down the stairs carrying his 75lb pack. The weight wasn't all that bad to begin with but after a few laps his legs were burning and felt like rubber. Glancing at the clock on the tower, he sas he still had one hour left of this torture. He tried to remember to breathe and looked around to take his mind off the pain in his hip. He saw that several of his peers had dropped to the ground and a few appeared to be unconscious.

_Come on!_

He pushed himself. The agony washing over him as nausea rolled him his stomach and his eyes started to un-focus. Shaking his head, he continued.

_Half hour!_

Gritting his teeth, he continued. Counting the stairs to focus.

_Twenty minuets!_

Going increasingly slower, but still going.

_Ten more!_

Each step felt like a chore. His hands were dead weight. He managed a few more steps before the instructor blew his whistle, signaling the end of class.

Looking forward to the hour of free time before dinner he deposited his pack in the crate and made his way to the library to begin his assignments. His legs were on fire. After a few moments in the nice air conditioned room he noticed that his uniform was sticking to his frame, soaked through with sweat. He should shower, but the shower was farther away from the training field than the library. He wasn't very hungry anyway so he figured he would catch his breath and shower during dinner.

He managed to finish an assignment or two before the bell for dinner rang. With a sigh, Cloud stood on wobbly Jell-o legs and staggered to the locker room for a shower.

Undressing and dumping his soiled uniform on the tiled floor, Cloud stood in the shower stall. Steaming hot water running over his aching muscles. Bracing his palms against the wall he bent his head down for the water to hit the base of his neck. He gritted his teeth as he rolled his shoulders.

_I'm not good enough. I can't do this. I'm pathetic. Sephiroth could do the training! I have to, too!_


	3. Dream Like

Alright! I survived another week at work. Hurray! Thank you to everyone who is still reading this. I am going to try to get a new chapter up each week, if not more. On with the story!

**Dream Like**

Cloud sprinted down the tiled hall. He was running as fast as he possibly could on rubber legs, but his shower went on just a little too long and now he was going to be late! Rounding a corner, he crashed into a young woman around his age hard. He surveyed the scene as he stood. A large cart, several hundred pieces of paper and this woman were scattered along the floor.

"Sorry!" Cloud hollered to her as he began to run again. He hated leaving here there, and he would have helped but he was going to be late for his job. He couldn't be late, not on the first day. He would just find her this weekend and apologize. He would explain that he was running late. She would understand.

Cloud slammed through the doors marked 'INFIRMARY' and skidded to a halt, out of breath, at the end of the line facing a nurse at a desk, just as the bell rang.

_Yes! Made it in time!_

The nurse behind the desk rose, her hair was graying and wavy, pulled back in a clip. She was a slightly large woman with an air of intimidation about her. She came around the desk and eyed the handful of boys before her.

"I am Nurse Lori. I am the head of this Infirmary here." She gestured around her. "You boys are mine for the next year. Every evening you will report to your individual positions that I am about to assign you. You will do your job quickly and efficiently until you are no longer needed, you will then report to me and, time willing, I will find you something else to do. I take pride in this Infirmary. It runs on cleanliness and efficiently and I will not allow a group of children ruin what I have strived so hard to manage and maintain. Do I make my self clear?"

"Ma'am, Yes Ma'am."

"Good, You two there." She pointed to the boys on the far end of the line. "Follow Red, he will show you what to do." A tall, thin, elderly man appeared behind Nurse Lori. He handed each boy a toolbox and led them down a wing.

The next pair went to attend to bedside service, and the next were sent to help clean. Leaving Cloud and two other boys with Nurse Lori.

"Hmm, an odd number. Never mind that now. You three will follow me. We are going to be clearing space and placing new beds for all the wounded soldiers from the war. This way" She started to lead them down yet another hall when a female voice shouted for her to stop.

"Lori! Wait!" It was the girl Cloud knocked down. She ran up to the Nurse, breathing hard. "So sorry I was late. I was knocked down by some punk who ran off. Now all of my papers are out of order. Can I borrow one of your boys? I need to get them back in order."

Cloud blushed and lowered his head. _Please don't pick me. Please don't pick me._

"Yea, sure. Take that small blond one. I need the others." With that Nurse Lori left, the boys trailing behind her.

Cloud looked up through his lowered head, into the face of the girl. He watched as her face went from realization to fury. "You!" She shouted at him. "You're the asshole who knocked me down! Didn't your mother ever teach you any manners?" She stormed off, pausing by the door. "Well, come on then!"

She lead Cloud to the cart, now up righted, stacked with papers. "Push that and follow me. Keep up." She led him down several halls, twists and turns. Finally stopping at an elevator. She stepped inside as Cloud followed her, pulling the cart into the cramped elevator. He took this time to get a good look at his companion. She was a little shorter than him, coming up to his chin or so. She had short black hair, with bangs falling into her left eye.

"Well?" She said. "Don't you have anything to say?"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am" Cloud looked down at the floor again. He was never any good around girls.

"No, you're not sorry. Not yet at least. Follow me." The elevator _dinged_ and she stepped out onto a carpeted hall. There were paintings on the walls. Way nicer furnishings than Cloud had seen on the previous floors. Cloud followed behind her like a punished puppy.

Several more corners later, they arrived into a small office. It was furnished in what looked like cherry wood. There was a small desk, a sofa or two and several bookshelves. Two doors at either end completed the room.

"Bring that inside." She gestured to the cart. "You get the honor of resorting all those papers."

"Yes Ma'am" Cloud said quietly.

"Stop calling me 'Ma'am'. My name is Aurica. Push that cart over there and begin. In addition, I suggest you tell me your name unless you enjoy me calling you 'Boy'. In which case, if you do, we may have a larger problem on our hands than your lack of manners."

"Cloud Strife." Cloud stated, standing beside the cart. "Excuse me, but my paper says that I am to work in the Infirmary."

"Yea, but your not anymore. You are going to help me instead. Trust me, I need it." She crossed to her desk and sat down facing a computer, hands poised on the keyboard. "With the war going on, I am swamped in paperwork. Look at each paper. You will see a heading and a page number. It's really easy. There are 20 different sections. Sort the papers out in section, then numerical order. Then place each section alphabetically on that cart. Work quickly. I have to turn these in to General Sephiroth by the end of the week."

Clouds hands froze. _General Sephiroth._

"Is something wrong, Cloud?"

_She said 'General Sephiroth'. These papers go to him._

"Cloud?"

_I am touching something that the General Sephiroth, himself is going to touch._

"Cloud!"

Cloud came out of his thoughts with Aurica sitting on her heels in front of him. Her hands were on his shoulders.

"You… you…" Cloud stammered.

"I… I… I what? I work for the General. I write war reports for him so he has all the information he needs easy and at hand so he can focus on what to do. Cloud? Um… Cloud are- are you alright?" Aurica shook his shoulders gently. His eyes were glazed over.

Cloud snapped out of his shock and sucked in a breath. "What? I-I'm fine" His heart was pounding in his chest and his face burned at the obvious lie.

"Right." With a last concerned look at the blond boy, she rose and returned to her desk.

They worked in silence for around an hour. The papers rustling and her typing becoming hypnotically rhythmic. The small office was getting comfortably warm and Cloud's job was getting to become very boring. Each page was titled so there was no real guesswork involved. He tried to focus, but the room was just too warm.

The heavy wooden door opened and in stepped a tall man, with a long silver mane.

"Oh! General Sephiroth!" Aurica stepped from behind her desk as Cloud shot to his feet and stood at attention. "I wasn't expecting you 'till Thursday."

"I needed to check a few stats on the reports. They are finished, I imagine?" His velvet voice wrapped around Cloud, enveloping him.

"I-I… well, Sir, you see… I-" Aurica looked at the floor and mumbled.

"I have them sir." Cloud spoke up. Aurica and Sephiroth both looked over at Cloud. Sephiroth crossed to Cloud and eyed him then the cart. All the reports were finished.

"Cloud! You restacked them? Amazing!" Aurica exclaimed.

"At ease, Privet." The General said, and Cloud took a less strict stance. "Name?" He inquired.

"Cloud Strife, sir." Cloud stated proudly. The General gave him a once over.

""Come her, Strife." The General backed to the center of the room.

Cloud crossed to him and was handed a sword. "Fight me, Strife. I would like to see how strong you are. Several of your instructors have praised you today and I would like to see for my self if it is all true or not." He took a defensive pose.

Cloud glanced at Aurica, and entered an attack position. "Are you ready, Sir?"

"Ready, young Strife. Attack me, and do not hold back."

Cloud flew at Sephiroth. With a flash of metal, Sephiroth blocked his attack, appearing behind him. Cloud, quick to twist his body, swung the hilt of his sword around, aiming at Sephiroth's head. Missing by a mere inch, Sephiroth brought his leg up to kick Cloud down. Demonstrating great skill, Cloud quickly sidestepped and countered with Capo Ferro. Sephiroth, naturally, defended easily.

Cloud let Sephiroth advance, let him build up courage, retreating gracefully behind a chair, letting his Bonetti defense keep him safe from harm. Sephiroth raised his sword overhead and charged. This was it. Cloud quickly dodged, then leapt onto Aurica's desk, causing her to shriek in amazement, distracting Sephiroth long enough for Cloud to twist in mid air and kick the great Generals legs from below him.

Aurica let out an audible gasp as Sephiroth hit the ground with a dull _thud_. Sephiroth lay motionless for a moment. His eyes unblinking as he studied Cloud. "Well." Sephiroth stated with a bemused chuckle, rising to his feet. "That was certainly unexpected. I have never been beaten before. You live up to your name. Fantastic job Strife. Keep his up and I may have an opening for you." Sephiroth shook Clouds hand with a wink.

"Oh wow, Cloud! That was terrific! You're so strong and so cool Cloud! You're my hero!" Aurica ran up and threw her arms around Cloud. "Cloud! Cloud! Cloud!" She began to chant. Sephiroth joined in, throwing his fist in the air. "Cloud! Cloud! Cloud! Cloud!" Aurica leaned in close. "Cloud! Cloud! Cloud!" Her face was slowly closing the gap between them. "Cloud! Cloud! Cloud!" He closed his eyes and leaned down. "Cloud! Cloud! Cloud!"

She slapped him across the face. "Cloud! Wake up!"

Cloud opened his eyes and looked around wildly. The general was gone and Aurica did not look happy.

"What the hell are you doing? First, you're working on the papers; next thing I know you are asleep, snoring your head off and you kicked my lamp and punched my couch! Are you all right? Do I need to call a nurse?" Her hand hovered over her telephone, as she eyed him hesitantly.

Cloud was blushing furiously now. His palms began to sweat as he tried to stutter an apology, "I- I am so sorry! I… I just… I fell asleep and then I dreamed that-"

"I think you can go ahead and go." Aurica cut him off and lead him to the door. "Thank you for your help. Good bye."

"Do you still need my help tomorrow? " Cloud asked as he paused by the door.

"I'm not sure. Good night." Aurica closed the door, leaving Cloud alone in the deserted hall, with no other company for the long walk back to his bed but his shame.


	4. Friends and Enemy's

**Chapter 4**

_**Friends and Enemy's**_

The scent of feet and man-stink held thick in the air of the dark room like a dense, smelly fog. Cloud was laying on his back on his thin, flat mattress, looking at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep. A few lucky men were snoring loudly, others were still awake doing class assignments by flashlight. Then there were the ones doing unthinkable acts. The sounds, though quiet, were enough to keep Cloud awake and make his stomach turn. He tossed over to his side, pulled his legs up closer to his chest, and squeezed his eyes shut, burying his head under his pillow to muffle the sound.

It had been around two months since Cloud had started training. Aurica had forgiven him the night following his little 'episode', although she never misses a chance to bring it up and tease him. She started calling him 'Captain Couch-Kicker', which was always followed with a glare from Cloud. He was also doing well in his classes, with the exception of Shin-Ra History. He could never keep the dates straight. Luckily, he had Aurica who excelled at Shin-Ra History, although she failed at nearly every other class.

Cloud smiled and stretched his legs to the end of his bed, his toes were hanging just over the edge. He thought back to the previous night.

_Cloud was working on a paper for his Materia Class. Aurica sat on the floor with her legs tucked under her working on another packet of papers for someone or another. _

"_Hey Aurica, does this paper sound right?"_

_Aurica stretched and came over to him. She read bits and pieces of his report aloud. "Um, Cloud? I think your grammar and punctuation is fine, but I don't really know about the rest. Materia is way too confusing for me." _

_Cloud smiled, "How? It's the easiest."_

_Aurica rolled her eyes and plopped onto the floor, and started picking at the carpet."I don't know, I never use it so I never bothered to learn. Plus, I couldn't figure it out if my life depended on it! All those stupid colors, properties, how to equip them..." She trailed off._

_Cloud gave a chuckle, winning a scrunched up face from Aurica, making him laugh harder. Materia was next to second nature to Cloud. Just the stupid history... A thought popped into Cloud's head._

"_Hey, Aurica?" he tried._

_She glanced up from her papers, "Yes?"_

"_Working for Shin-Ra, you know a lot about the company. Right?"_

"_Yes?" She raised her eye brow._

"_So, it would be safe to say that you know a bit about the history of the company. Right?"_

"_Cloud... you need help don't you?"_

_Cloud yanked his course book out quickly. "Loads!"_

Cloud grinned. He enjoyed his evenings with Aurica. She told him of the inner goings-on at Shin-Ra, and he told her about his classes and peers. They chatted about their home towns and families. She grew up in a smaller town like him, in nearly the same situation as him. Cloud felt that he could open up to her, because he understood him better than anyone. He was like the older sister he never had but always wanted. It was such a nice break from his daytime, all the competition, the angry looks, stress and the feeling he was being watched.

During the day, he was lonely and invisible. At times, felt that he could start screaming in the middle of class and no one would even notice. He could just disappear, if he hadn't already, and fade away into oblivion. The weight of his depression, at times, was crushing. His chest felt hollow from the moment he woke up to the moment his evening training was over. But at night... he had no one to compete with for attention, there were no marks given, it was just him and Aurica. He drifted away into pleasant dreams.

Cloud faced his partner, a hulk of a man. He was at training, and they were learning a new sword technique. It was a difficult maneuver which involved a bit of feinting to the side, attacking from the other side and complex footwork that caused several of the men to trip and crash onto their partner.

Cloud had been working on his foot work at night with Aurica. She once dated a Turk who taught her several attacks and this was one of them.

Cloud and his sparring partner, named Shayne, were next up for the instructor to grade. Cloud ran over the steps in his head as he watched the other team. Sure enough, both men trip.

Shayne chose to go first. He was a large, burly, hairy guy with a short neck and small wide set brown eyes.

Cloud readied his plastic sword and took up a defensive pose, praying that Shayne wouldn't get too eager, trip, fall and crush him. He poked Cloud in the eye last time and Cloud wasn't too keen on doing that again. Luckily, Shayne tripped on his huge feet before he even got near him and stumbled, waving his sword around wildly and crashed into the instructor.

It was Cloud's turn. All eyes were focused on him. He faced Shayne and ran over his foot work in his head. He readied his sword once more.

_Left foot, skip right, grapevine right, overhead slight side slash left in a diagonal... left foot, skip right, grapevine right, overhead slight side slash left in a diagonal... left foot, skip right, grapevine right, overhead-_

He repeated his mantra a few more times and took a breath.

_Here we go._

He shot forward and ducked to the left. Shayne blocked like he was supposed to, but Cloud had already skipped to the right, he spun with his grapevine and with all his might, he brought his plastic sword down and with a perfect follow through, he hit Shayne.

"Good job, Strife." the instructor said, marking his exam paper before moving on to the next couple.

With pride swelling in his chest, Cloud took his usual place in formation to watch the remaining tests. He thought, a few times, he heard something. Whispered praise, perhaps? Cloud grinned. He was finally fitting in.

That evening he told Aurica about it. How he did the move perfectly, how the instructor praised him in front of everyone. How his peers whispered congratulations to him. He left out how he wasn't sure it was actually praise or not, but at the time it certainly felt like it.

She seemed happy for him but something about her smile seemed off, and how she told him to be careful as he left that night struck him as odd.

What would he have to worry about? He had seen a few of his peers smile at him, or at least what Cloud thought it was a smile. Sure, its brutal in training and getting any recognition was rare but his peers weren't the jealous types. He was sure of it. It's not like they were going to attack him or outcast him for doing well. That would just be stupid.

He made his way back to his bunk and changed into his pajamas.

"Nice job, Strife." the guy in the next bunk said to him.

"Thanks!" Cloud chirped cheerfully.

The boy who slept below him climbed, rather roughly, into his bunk. Cloud suspected he was having a bad day.

Cloud lay in bed and ran the days events over in his head. The way the Sargent looked at him, how he said his name in front of everyone. Cloud beamed as the lights clicked off.

The next morning in line for breakfast, Cloud was still in his blissful state. He was walking on air as he got his tray of oatmeal and toast and took his usual seat at the far end of the cafeteria. He noticed a few of this peers glancing at him. They looked away as he saw them. Weird, Cloud thought, and returned to the flavorless lumpy dish.

His first class of the day was handing back the major exam they did last week. Cloud had a good feeling as he flipped over his page.

_Full marks! Yes!_

Cloud was overjoyed. Today was most certainly his day! The instructor posted the list of everyone's grades in order. Cloud was first! He felt a few more guys looking at him.

Cloud coasted through his day excelling in his classes. He hurried though lunch to be the first on the field for training. He raced to the training field, elation causing him to not notice the looks, whispers or faces he was getting.

Today, they were going over the move from yesterday. Several times cloud was pulled out by the Sargent to demonstrate the move to some of his fellow cadets who weren't quite getting it.

"Right, Jennings, do it like Strife."

"Brams, watch Strife."

"Strife, come show Malpass here how to do it."

Cloud was worn out from doing the move so much as he dragged himself to Auricas office that night.

Aurica was nowhere to be found as Cloud entered the small office, her jacket was on the back of her chair so she couldn't be far. He set to work proof reading her war reports as he waited.

A half hour went by...

He reorganized the selves as another half hour went by. He thought he heard some dull voices occasionally but brushed it off. This was a busy hallway. There probably was a meeting going on somewhere in another room.

Cloud started on his assignments.

A full hour passed...

_Where the hell is she? _Cloud packed his books up and left for the night.

Hope you enjoyed! I think this chapter was a bit weird and sort of dragged on but it was needed. I promise. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!


	5. First of Many

**First of Many**

The warm breeze played against Clouds soft skin, and the sun seemed to fill him from within as he stretched back on the dock to soak up the warm rays, his bare feet swinging beneath him into the cool water. He took another bite of his melting ice cream and smiled. Life was pretty good. He was enjoying his weekend off from training. Having been at SOLDIER for only a few months, Cloud thought that he could get used to this sort of life. Training was going extremely well, he was getting full marks in almost every class; he had a few guys that he chatted with, no signs of Barnes lately and at night he had Aurica.

Aurica always had a level head and could help Cloud out when he began to feel homesick or discouraged. He really cherished their time together. Her friendship was priceless.

Cloud was struck with an idea; he should go see her! He had forgotten that she had weekends off. Standing, Cloud threw his remaining treat into the nearby trash and began his leisurely stroll to her office. He decided on using the elevator instead of the stairs and was leaning against the inner wall when a very cute nurse aid boarded. Her blond hair pulled back into a low braid that hung midway down her back and her white nurse smock was pleasantly striking against her tanned legs. He stood and shoved his hands deep in his pockets, unsure of what to do. She cast a sideways glance at him from under her eyelashes and smiled before looking away.

They rode in silence for a few moments, the pretty aid occasionally looking over at the blushing Cloud, until they reached the floor with the infirmary. The _ding_ signaling the floor cut loudly through the air, causing Cloud to jump. The girl giggled.

"See you around." She called as the doors closed.

Cloud was still smiling to himself as the made his way to Aurica's office. He was going to ask her what that girls name is. Maybe even see if it were possible for Aurica to set something up between them!

Pausing before Aurica's office, he knocked lightly on the door.

No answer.

The opened the door a crack in looked in. "Hello? Aurica?" he called.

No answer.

She was probably out shopping or doing something girly, it was her day off. Why would she be stuck in her office all day on her day off? Cloud shrugged and headed back to the elevators. Maybe he could spend some time in the library, maybe write a letter home.

Cloud stood in the deserted corridor and waited for the elevator doors to open, lost in thoughts of the pretty, tanned, blond girl. He thought he might have heard a shuffle noise behind him, but put it out of his mind quickly.

Then he heard it again, this time a little off to his left. Cloud turned casually to peek over his shoulder. Nothing. He was just imagining things. The _ding _rang out and Cloud smiled, thinking about the elevator girl. As he turned to face the elevator, something hard caught him from the right side, knocking him to the ground.

Cloud hit the cold tiles hard, the force of the fall knocking the air from his lungs. As he lay motionless trying to suck air into his burning lungs, several rough hands grabbed him from all sides and his world was instantly dark as he was lifted to his feet and led away.

Disoriented, Cloud tried to think of a plan. He was getting his breath back and tried to struggle, but the hands held him in place. He Tried to yell, but was hit full force in the stomach, cutting off his air. He tried to drop his weight but they just pulled him along.

After what felt like a left turn, the echoing footsteps changed. He heard a click from a light switch and was dropped on small rough tiles, then a roaring sound like rushing water. _The locker room?_ Cloud thought as he reached up to remove his blindfold, but before he could lift the cloth covering his eyes his hands were forced behind him and taped together. Next were his legs then finally his mouth. Cloud was shoved into a sitting position, leaning against a wall. He heard a few soft whispers over the faucets but couldn't make out anymore than just mumbling. From what he could tell, maybe four or five guys.

The whispering died off. Cloud's heart was pounding in his ears. The roaring of the running water barely masking what Cloud imagined to be the dull clank of an object hitting wood. Clouds heart stopped. _Oh Gaia… no…_

Then came the beatings.

Several hard blunt objects came flying at Cloud. He tried to kick, but his legs were held together and he only succeeded in falling over. He tried to protect his body with his arms but they were tied back. He scrunched up his body to protect his chest, but the abuse only continued on his back.

As suddenly it began, it was over. Cloud felt someone grab his chin.

"This was a warning, show me up again and you'll get a _real_ beating, you pathetic little bitch. I suggest you stop trying to fucking hard to make us look bad. Ya' got me?" A dark voice growled so close to Cloud that he could feel the hot breath and spittle on his cheeks, then it was gone.

Silence followed. Clouds' breathing was labored, and he could detect the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. Fear left his body, only to be replaced ten-fold by pain. His chest, stomach and back ached. Every breath sent a sharp stab of pain down his side as he tried to move. His heart was beating frantically in his chest like a small caged bird, desperate to get out. He tried to sit up but cried out. The pain was too much. He was gritting his teeth so hard to block out the pain that his jaw ached.

Quickly, footsteps rushed to Cloud, a dull pain and a flash of white lights and his world faded away.

First thing Cloud noticed when he awoke was that his blindfold and restraints were missing. He was laying on his back on soft linins. The smell of disinfectant and antiseptic hung in the air. He was in the infirmary. The head nurse, Lori, came into his enclosure.

"You alright, kid?" She asked in a brisk tone.

"What… how, how did I-?" Cloud stammered over his words.

"Some other boys brought you in, said you fell down the stairs. Nice boys they were. They looked to be about the same age as you, you should thank them when you get out. Good news is that your bruised, not broken. I already used a bit of Materia on you. Give it an hour or two and you'll be good to go. I sent the clothes you were wearing to the laundry. They will most likely be sent back to you by tonight. I set out some sweats that I thought you might fit into. They are on the end table. Take a nap and I'll come check on you here in a bit." She turned and left the room.

Cloud sat up, the pain was dulling. He pulled off the blankets to discover his clothes had been stripped and he was in his boxers. Every inch of the skin on his torso was covered in a fading purple bruise.

_Of course,_ Cloud thought bitterly, _every place that my uniform covers._ He climbed back into the bed, burying himself in the blankets. _If I were stronger, that wouldn't have happened. I'm so fucking weak. _Hot tears sprang to his eyes, spilling over and onto his pillow. He choked back a sob. _I'll never make it here. I should just quit, go back home. I never should have come in the first place. It was a mistake. That's all I am… just one huge mistake. _Cloud drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

"Cloud! There you are! Oh-my-gosh!" Aurica flung back the curtain separating Cloud's bed from the others and ran in. "When I found out that you were hurt I stopped everything I was doing and ran here. I thought you were supposed to be coordinated! You are a SOLDIER in training! How could you manage to fall down a flight of stairs? Weren't you watching what you were doing? What were you thinking! You could have gotten seriously hurt!" Aurica had worked herself up into a frenzied state as she examined him.

"Geez Aurica, give the kid a break. You're gonna' suffocate him." joked a warm voice. Cloud cast his eyes on a tall dark haired man; he was casually leaning against the wall, his arms crossed. He seemed to exude confidence. The very air around him seemed to shimmer with excitement at being the air worthy of getting to touch this mans greatness. The man chuckled and gently pulled Aurica off Cloud's bed where she was engaged in a tug-of-war with Cloud, attempting to pull off his covers to inspect his body. "Zack Fair, first class." the man, Zack, said with a nod while he extended his hand.

"Uh… Cloud Strife." Cloud replied, taking Zack's warm hand and allowing his own hand to be shaken.

"Oh! So sorry! Cloud, this is my very good friend Zack. We go way back, he used to date my sister. Zack, this is Cloud, he helps me out at night in my office. He is the one I told you about." Aurica said with a sheepish giggle.

Cloud didn't know quite how to feel at this. He was flattered that she spoke of him, but what did she say, exactly? Did she tell him everything he had told her? Was he just an off hand remark? He didn't like this.

Although, Zack did seem like the kind of guy Cloud whishes he could be. Zack looked like the sort of guy that never got beat up and never had people hate him. He probably got tons of girls to date him too. Maybe being around him could be of benefit? If he hung around Zack, he could learn to mimic him, if he learned to be like him then he wouldn't get beat up again, and if everyone liked him, he could be like Sephiroth.

"So," Aurica called out, breaking Cloud from his daydream of being Sephiroths' Second in Command, "When did Lori say you could get out?"

"Uh… I-um, I don't really know."

"I'll go check!" She hopped out of the room. Cloud could hear her shouting 'Lori!' as she searched.

Cloud was left alone with Zack.

"So, stairs huh?" Zack said. Something in his tone made Cloud know that he knew what happened.

"Yeah, the stairs." Cloud looked away, ashamed. He could feel his throat beginning to burn and his vision began to blur. _Don't cry! Don't cry! Not in front of him!_

"You know, I fell down the stairs before, a few times actually, back when I first started." He sat on the end of Cloud's bed.

"Really?" Cloud couldn't tell if he was being serious about this or not.

"Oh yeah. Sometimes I 'fell down the stairs' once a week."

"Why?" Cloud sat up, interested.

"Well, the 'stairs' were jealous. I was doing far better then them and they didn't like it. It's pretty cut-throat in the first year. If you're better than the 'stairs', then they gang up on you. If you start failing to make the 'stairs' back off, then the instructors kick you out or hold you back." He was gazing out the window.

"What did you do?"

"I fought back and I made my self the best. After the second or third year, it's not about being the best as an individual; it's about being the best as a team. The ones 'falling down the stairs' are the ones getting noticed by the instructors and they are the ones that will be team leaders later." He stretched and sighed. "I can help you, you know."

"Really? How?" Cloud's heart was pounding, with Zack's help, he wouldn't get beat up anymore! He bit his lower lip in excitement.

"Well, I can get us into the higher level training rooms, make you stronger. Those 'stairs' won't bother you after I teach you how to avoid them." He smiled at Cloud.

"How can you avoid them? They are stairs. They don't move. Cloud, just take the elevator instead." Aurica came back into the room. Apparently, she only heard the end of the conversation and the metaphor was lost on her.

"What? Oh, never mind." Zack smiled, again. Aurica's sudden presence was a surprise to him.

"Cloud, Lori said that if you want, you can go." She said breathless, her face was slightly pink and her hair was beginning to stick to her temples, she must have run back to his room. "You have to check in with her in a day or two if your muscles ache and that you need to avoid the stairs the best you can. I don't get it. They are just stairs, not some attacking monster."

Zack hid a grin, threw his arm around her and led her out of the enclosure. "Come on, let the kid have some privacy to get dressed."

Making sure they were out of normal earshot, Aurica stopped Zack. "Zack, I'm worried. He seems really down. Tripping down a staircase isn't anything to get upset about. He seems really sad. Lately, he hasn't been as talkative and he drifts off into these daydreams."

"Yeah, I remember you telling me about it. Didn't he daydream and kick your chair?" Zack chuckled.

"It was my couch but that was different. He doesn't smile that much anymore, and when he does it seems guarded." She didn't like this new Cloud very much.

"He is probably just stressed over his classes, give him some time." Zack worried that Aurica was going to try to drag this conversation out and attempt to dissect Cloud's emotions, as she did with everyone else. He was going to be fine, he just needed to toughen up a bit more, and Zack knew just the place.

"Yea, I guess your right, but still, all this depression over simply falling down the stairs-"

"SOLDIERS don't fall. He is probably embarrassed with a bruised ego." Zack interrupted dismissively.

"Oh, Zack, that's a lie and you know it. How did we meet? You were laying right there in that very same bed after falling down the stairs your first year. I was visiting my sister and you started flirting her up. Plus, just the other day I saw Sephiroth trip over a-"

Zack held a finger to her mouth to silence her, Cloud's enclosure sounded conspicuously quiet. Ignoring a questioning look from Aurica he called out, "Hey, Strife, you about done in there?"

The curtain moved and Cloud appeared. His down cast eyes and baggy clothes made him look dejected.

_No wonder the kid is picked on, he is really little. Look's as if, at the last moment while he was being built, the Gods forgot his muscle and just covered his bones with skin. _Zack thought with a sigh. "Hey, Strife, we have some time, wanna go burn some energy with me?"

Cloud seemed to perk up at the thought as realization dawned on him, but Aurica seemed to grow furious. "Zack! That is a terrible idea! Lori said he needs some rest."

"Fine, we won't train on the training field." Zack said with a roll of his eyes.

"Good, I'd hate for him to trip and-"

"We'll use the Sim Room instead. No stairs there!" Zack smiled and started for the Sim Room.

"What! No!" Aurica cried with indignation. "That's worse! There's explosions and monsters and lightning and it's way too dangerous! He should-"

"He needs to train, Aurica!" Zack shouted back.

"No, he needs rest!" Aurica slammed her hands on her hips.

"Train!"

"Rest!"

"Train!"

"Rest!"

"I'd like to decide for myself." Cloud spoke up. Both Aurica and Zack glanced at him, seeming to just realize he was there.

Aurica crossed to him and linked her arm with his. "Right, you should get a choice, and I know you will pick the right one. The right one being that you need to-"

"Train." Cloud said in a nearly inaudible whisper.

"Wait, what?" Aurica released her hold on his arm and stepped away. "Cloud, you just got out of the infirmary! You can't be serious."

"I need to train so I can get stronger. I have to. There is no other option." Cloud said.

Aurica, although wanting to tell him how wrong he was, dropped the matter. The urgent tone in Cloud's voice worrying her. She will need to talk to Sephiroth about this.

"Zack, I'd like to see the Sim Room."

**Ok guys, I hope you liked it! I have nine chapters hand written and I have to find time to type them out. I hope y'all like where this is heading. Sorry for taking forever for this chapter. I have a few days off this week so I may try to get another up either today or tomorrow**


End file.
